Love is Blind
by Lady Tanarion
Summary: Old injuries and new have taken their toll on Snape. But with the help of an old enemy as broken as he is, they might just be able to heal each other. [preOotp] [Slash]
1. Prologue

Author's Note: Sorry, sorry! I edited things again. I can't help it, I'm about two marbles short of being obsessive compulsive. I'm decided to cut up the chapters and make them shorter-- I figure I can get them out faster that way. We'll see if I'm right about that.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Alternate Universe (where Sirius still lives...) and slash.

Disclaimers: I do not own.

Summary: They say love is blind... Well, so is Snape. And only his worst enemy is capable of snapping him out of his downward spiral into self-destruction.

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Love is Blind

Prologue

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_It was all the same; shunted from one department to another. Poked and prodded, examined and observed to within an inch of his life, only to be told over and over again in every possible way how they couldn't help him._

_"Sorry, we can only help with curse effects."_

_"It doesn't seem to be a jinx..."_

_"Healing physical wounds... ah, yes. That would be the floor below. You were misdirected."_

_"I really wish we could be of help, but we can only speed up the healing process."_

_"Oh, dear. The scar tissue has already formed."_

_"If we slice through again in the exact same place..."_

_"Somebody attacked you with a _sword_? Good gracious, how medieval." _

_Well, the bastards could just go get themselves stuffed by Cornish Pixies! He didn't need them anyway._

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"We're very sorry, Mister-"

"Professor."

"Professor Snape... we're very sorry, but there's nothing we can do. Perhaps if you had come to us sooner-"

The Potions Master stood abruptly, black robes billowing out behind him and the Healer was startled into silence. "That's enough. I'm leaving."

"Mis- Professor. I couldn't possibly allow you to leave unescorted..." Severus gave the man such a scathing look that he swallowed nervously. "In your condition... Saint Mungo's would be held accountable..."

"Then find me a bloody escort! I refuse to stay in this stinking hell pit another moment!"

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To Be Continued

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Sirius: Hey, why aren't I in there yet?

Severus: Stop whining.

Sirius: Don't tell me what to do!

Severus: You really haven't progressed past the level of a twelve-year-old, have you?

Sirius: Prick.

Severus: Git.

Sirius: Bastard.

Severus: Wanker.

Sirius: Sod.

Severus: _Spnrk!_ (chokes on laughter)

Sirius: I win.

Tanarion: ... I'm glad the two of you are keeping yourselves occupied.

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	2. In Which Severus Hates Sweets

Author's Note: Chapter one 3.0, woot! I promise, soon there will actually be NEW things.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Alternate Universe (where Sirius still lives...) and slash.

Disclaimers: I do not own...

Summary: They say love is blind... Well, so is Snape. And only his worst enemy is capable of snapping him out of his downward spiral into self-destruction.

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Love is Blind

Chapter One: _In Which Severus Hates Sweets_

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Severus Snape growled, "Sugar Quills," and stomped bad temperedly into McGonagall's office, muttering under his breath about stupid passwords. 

"Ah, Severus. Punctual as usual. Tea?"

"What do you want, Minerva?"

She sighed. "Have a seat, Severus. The chair's-"

"I know bloody well where the chair is!" he hissed at her, dropping down into the aforementioned chair. "What is this all about?"

"In his last..." She paused, and swallowed at the lump in her throat. "Dumbledore suggested that you would make a good Deputy Headmaster."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "I find that hard to believe," he replied in an icy voice and she sighed again.

"Believe it. And I'm inclined to agree with him." Minerva tensed slightly. Severus was tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair; never a good sign. "I need you, Severus. I need you to be my devil's advocate, and argue with me, help me see the other side of the matter. You know the others aren't capable of that."

The tapping stopped. "Are you joking, Minerva? You would force upon this school a _blind_ Deputy Headmaster?"

"You are still perfectly capable--"

"Then you are blinder than I am." The Potions Master's sneer was just as effective as it had been before he lost the use of his eyes. "If there is nothing else, then I shall take my leave." He stood, robes sweeping around him.

Minerva pursed her thin lips. If Severus was going to be obstinate-- well, she could afford to wait. "Before you go, what is your opinion on who should take the places of those we've lost?" There. See if he could resist having a say in the school's employment.

Severus stopped at the door and slowly turned back, as if in spite of himself. She mentally applauded her choice of lure. "Charles Weasley should be for Flying Coach," he answered with seeming reluctance. "It may be difficult to drag him away from his Dragons, but he will give in."

She quickly wrote that down. "And for Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

There was a long pause. Finally, he said, "Remus Lupin."

"Oh?"

"Don't raise your eyebrows at me, Minerva." She quickly lowered them, a little embarrassed that he knew her so well. "The Wolfsbane potion is past the experimental stage, so the students won't be in danger." Snape grimaced. "And as much as I would like to prefer otherwise, there is no one else either willing or capable for the job. His new _reputation_ as a war hero should be enough to override most of the parent's complaints. In any case, the twits should be too busy mourning to notice for a few years yet."

She gave a one-sided smile. "Anything you say, Severus. And who to take my place as Transfiguration Professor?"

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_To Be Continued_

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Sorry for no more li'l Sev and Siri bickering at the end of each chapter, but frankly, I've outgrown it. That bit at the end of the prologue was my last gasp.

It took up too much space, anyway.

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	3. In Which Sirius Is Called A Bastard

Author's Note: I have read the Half-Blood Prince and I have to say that Snape still rules! (insnapwetrust . deviantart . com) So, needless to say, this fic is now even more of an AU than it was before. I am totally ignoring events that have happened past Harry's fourth year; however, I'm using the info gained about Sirius in the fifth book, and maybe some of Snape from the sixth one. Who knows?

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Alternate Universe (where Sirius still lives...) and slash.

Disclaimers: I do not own...

Summary: They say love is blind... Well, so is Snape. And only his worst enemy is capable of snapping him out of his downward spiral into self-destruction. AU.

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Love is Blind

Chapter Two: _In Which Sirius Is Called A Bastard_

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Sirius looked out the window at the setting sun, feeling the summer breeze ruffle through his long hair, and took a long drag of his cigarette. 

"Those things are murder for your health."

The animagus half turned and smiled at his intruder. "Nice to see you too, Moony."

Lupin just smiled back at him. He looked around the room for a place to sit, but seeing only dust covered desks and stacked chairs, the werewolf grimaced and remained standing. Sirius followed his gaze and gave a snicker. "Dobby says they'll come in tomorrow and make it presentable."

"Dobby?"

"Harry's biggest fan. First house elf in history to get wages."

Remus raised an eyebrow, but only replied, "Good for him."

"You know, a part of me is furious." Sirius moved his gaze back outside, avoiding his friend's eyes, and tapped some of the ash away from the cigarette. "How dare they have opinions, how dare they have lives of their own? Abomination! A house elf's place is to do its master's bidding, nothing more." He shuddered. "And it's always my mother's words I hear, but in my voice..."

Sirius kept his face turned away from the other man's, not wanting to see the look of concern he knew would be on the other man's face.

"Having doubts, Padfoot?"

"What do you think?" He took a furious puff on the cigarette. "I've spent the last fifteen years either in Azkaban or on the run. What the hell made McGonagall choose a-- a _criminal_ like me?"

"Or a werewolf like me?"

The animagus turned an stricken look at his friend. "Remus, I didn't mean... It's not the same thing at all."

"Isn't it?" The werewolf folded his arms over his chest, his gaze at the floor.

"You know how to teach, Moony."

"That doesn't mean as much as it should, these days." Remus gave Sirius a wry smile and went on before he could say anything more. "In any case, Minerva wouldn't have chosen you if she didn't have faith in your abilities."

Sirius tapped more ash from the cigarette. He had learned when to not pursue a subject. "...Maybe." They stood there in silence for a while. It was a companionable silence that Sirius didn't even know he was capable of anymore.

Eventually, however, the quiet had to be broken. "So… Charlie's going to be the Flying Coach?" Sirius asked, trying to make conversation as he put out what was left of his cigarette. Carefully avoiding the reason _why_ there was such a need for new teachers. Not mentioning why it was McGonagall who would be choosing the newcomers.

It was Remus' turn to avoid his friend's eyes. "Yes."

"So it's like that, is it?" He ignored the werewolf's frown. "You realize you will have to make a decision? It's hard to avoid a man when you live in the same building," Sirius said casually.

"Padfoot, you're a real bastard."

The animagus snickered. "Yeah, I know." Then he sighed and stretched his arms over his head, his spine giving a satisfying pop. "I'd better get going," Sirius announced somewhat regretfully. It was nice to see his friend again, but now that they were going to be working together they would be seeing each other on a consistent basis.

Remus eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you up to now?"

"Moony, you wound me! I'm just going to square a few things, that's all." Sirius grinned a reassurance he didn't really feel. He was probably about to get himself killed.

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	4. In Which Severus Is

Author's Note: Nyar. For some reason I want to draw Snape in the costume of 18th Century Man (a superhero I just made up). Don't ask why.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Alternate Universe (where Sirius still lives...) and slash.

Disclaimers: I do not own...

Summary: They say love is blind... Well, so is Snape. And only his worst enemy is capable of snapping him out of his downward spiral into self-destruction. AU.

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Love is Blind

Chapter Three: In Which Severus Is

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Severus Snape sat in his office, seriously contemplating what it would be like to take his own life. He knew how to make a potion that would ease him painlessly into the afterlife, but he doubted he could do it without his eyesight. He supposed he could do it the old-fashioned way but that was messy and far too melodramatic for his tastes. Besides, where would he get a proper knife so late in the day? 

Finally, he dismissed the idea. It would be silly to have survived the war to end it all by committing suicide. He did, however, decide that if some remaining Deatheater were out for revenge he wouldn't try too hard to save himself.

A loud knock sounded at the door and interrupted his thoughts. "Come in," he snarled.

The door creaked open and then shut again. There was nothing in what he heard to tell him who it was. "Well?" he demanded imperiously, hoping the person would leave soon so he could go back to degenerating into a profound depression.

"Snape," was the cool response. There was no mistaking _that_ voice.

"Black." Severus sneered. "And to what do I owe this... pleasure?" he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

Sirius shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The situation was exceedingly awkward enough without the Potions Master being such a bastard about it all! Wasn't it enough that he was there to apologize?

"That's an interesting painting," he said in an effort to divert Snape's usual snarkiness with small talk. The piece of art in question was a portrait of a man with a vague resemblance to Snape, staring out at him haughtily; eyebrow arched in perfect copy of the expression Snape was wont to wear.

Snape drummed his fingers against the wood of his desk. "Which one?" he asked finally, curious enough at Black's reason for being there to play along.

Sirius blinked at him. "This one." He gestured to it.

"Could you perhaps be a bit more specific, or are you really that stupid?"

Black turned to Severus angrily. The blasted potions master was not making this any easier. "What are you-"

"Blind? Yes, actually." Snape's lip curled in dislike. "And you are as unobservant as usual."

"You- what?"

"I. Am. Blind. I can't _see_ the bloody painting, you daft Gryffindor, so get to the point!"

The animagus just stared at him, stunned. Severus had never been patient. "What do you _want_, Black?" he demanded sharply.

Sirius had tried to remain calm but Snape always made him lose his temper. "You- you- Augh! I was trying to apologize, but I give up!" he snarled. "You are impossible, Snape!"

The Potions Master opened his mouth to form a retort, and then closed it again. Was his hearing going as well? "What did you say?"

"Need a definition? You are the most annoying, infuriating human being in exi-"

"Before that!"

Sirius paused in his movement to storm out of the office. He had wanted his chance... He leaned against the wall and folded his arms unhappily. "I'm trying to apologize for- for everything. The shrieking shack. Everything."

The Potions Master seemed to stare at him with those blind eyes. "Why?"

"Because... I have a second chance. I don't want to ruin it. Not with things that happened over twenty years ago." He risked a glance at Snape.

The Potions Master was sitting rigidly in his chair, utterly furious. "How Gryffindor," he spat viciously. "Your conscience rears its ugly head and now you want to make it all better."

"Why do you always do that!" He paced angrily, trying to vent his frustration. "Gah! Just being in the same _room_ with you makes me want to kill you!"

"Oh,and that'ssuch a new concept."

"I _wasn't_ trying to kill you," Sirius ground out between clenched teeth. "How long until you believe that?"

"When mermaids fly, I expect," the Potions Master sneered.

"I never meant for it to go that far," Black insisted.

"But you let him take it that far. If that _cowardly_ Gryffindor hadn't lost his nerve you would have let me die, just because _he_ wished it!"

Sirius flinched. "I wasn't…"

"Don't deny it. You were nothing but Potter's lap dog and you know it." He sneered. "And a dog you still remain."

The animagus clenched his fists, but had to look away. "That... that was in the past, Snape. I didn't want you dead. I was a kid, I was stupid and I thought it would be a bloody brilliant prank. I couldn't imagine Remus hurting anyone, not even you. I just thought you would piss in your pants and run away, no harm done."

"Lupin could have killed me. Or turned me into a werewolf like him. He would have been expelled at the least. _You_ should have been expelled. You and Potter both," Severus added bitterly.

Sirius hung his head. "I know." They were both silent for a long while. Snape was staring fixedly at a place on the wall before him, as if he were seeing something Black couldn't.

Maybe he was... Was he reliving the incident at the shrieking shack? Sirius cringed at the thought. "Snape... Severus. I'm teaching Transfiguration now. We'll be working together, and being enemies does not make for good working conditions." He forced a smile, even though Snape couldn't see it. "I spent twelve years in Azkaban for a crime I didn't commit. That's more than a _decade_ of my life lost. Don't let it have been for nothing. Let it have been my punishment for the things I _did_ do." Black's tone was pleading by the end of that statement.

Snape bowed his head tiredly. He felt unbelievably weary, mind-numbingly so. "I'll think about it Black. Just leave."

Sirius hesitated, looking at Snape one last time. The Potions Master had his face buried in his hands and fairly projected exhaustion. Black sighed and left the room, his thoughts still on Snape. How hard must it be, to keep composure under these circumstances? To lose your eyesight... The animagus shuddered. He would have been terrified in Snape's place. Was Severus that much stronger, or just a better actor?

And...

The details of the final battle wasn't known, but Sirius did know that Snape was essential in defeating Voldemort. He was a spy for their side, yet Dumbledore had been the only man who'd ever trusted the potions master.

And Dumbledore rarely, if ever, misplaced his trust. So how hard was it for Snape to face fear and hatred and mistrust day in and day out? It was no wonder he was a bitter and sarcastic individual, really.

Sirius shook his head. What was he thinking, feeling sorry for _Snape_ of all people! Snape would be just fine if he never saw the animagus again, and likewise with Sirius.

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_To Be Continued_

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sparkling silver angel wings_ - Glad you like the fic. But there are other blind!Snape stories? I've only found two others; one of which it was temporary, and the other you don't even find out until the end. If you're talking about different ones, I'd like to read them!_

Mon_ - That's what I'd been hoping for! Thanks for telling me just what I wanted to hear._

Localfreak_ - I'm always happy to hear people enjoy what I write, and here is more._

MW_ - Apparently you're one of many. Makes a gal feel loved. ;P_

mini-kero_ - Lol! My, you're exuberant. I'm glad you like it, here's the continuation._

zeynel_ - Thanks, and here's more._

Quietus_ - You know, I hadn't actually planned on keeping the sonnet, but if you want it so bad I'll keep it just for you. :D Though it'll probably be a few more chapters down the line._

Sepia Mortis_ - Goodness, one doesn't often find reviewers who are so literate! You are a welcome change, Sepia. Yes, you'd think Sirius would be the one to make Sev go insane, except that Sirius doesn't really behave any differently towards Sev than how he used to before the blindness. They still fight and insult, just like they always had and that keeps Severus grounded._

Anastasia Snape_ - Here's the update..._

Ebisu_ - Don't die! That's bad. How would you read the next chapter if you did?_

Syl_ - The thing is, he's not as confident as he seems. Sev's pride keeps him from showing any uncertainty (which is kind of sad when you think about it. Poor guy)_

Sunny Dragoness_ - I'd be a bad authoress if I was offended by some good constructive criticism! I thiiink this chapter sufficiently explains his morbid tendencies, but let me know if I haven't managed that._

excessivelyperky_ - Hint taken. You're welcome._

Sheriff of Nottingham_ - I decided to edit and repost the chapters, that's what happened. And I'm updating now, aren't I?_

Kirsti-Lee_ - I'm glad you like it, but don't go mad! That's almost as bad as the fellow who was going to die a few reviews back._

Lotten_ - No worries, I'm addicted to fanfiction, too. Here's more!_

Sephie_ - I have another chapter here, especially for you... Though I'd like to know what "gd" means. XP Just joshin' ya._

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	5. In Which There Are Stale Biscuits

Author's Note: Eventually we'll actually get somewhere with this. Like, there's a teachers-only party coming up involving a bit more alcohol than healthy.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Alternate Universe (where Sirius still lives...) and slash.

Disclaimers: I do not own...

Summary: They say love is blind... Well, so is Snape. And only his worst enemy is capable of snapping him out of his downward spiral into self-destruction. AU.

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Love is Blind

Chapter Four: In Which There Are Stale Biscuits

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The next morning, Sirius navigated his way through the halls of Hogwarts to the teacher's lounge. He'd overslept and ended up missing breakfast, but the lounge always had snacks handy for the teacher's with free periods; something Sirius planned to make use of.

Yes, of course he could just ask one of the house elves, but Sirius didn't really trust how he'd behave around them. He'd had another nightmare that night.

It started off simply enough; he was back in Azkaban with every worst memory echoing through his mind until he was about to go insane. To escape it, he transformed into his animagus form and slipped through the bars and down to the sea. He started swimming, but felt the water drag him down. Down, down and inexplicably he was human again with the surface far above his head and a great coral palace before him. Then he was inside the palace, facing the cruel mermaid Queen. She looked like his mother and she was skinning house elves alive. Suddenly, he was in her place, watching his own rough hands wielding the knives. Sirius tried to scream, but all that came out was a high, cold laugh, and then he wasn't skinning house elves but Harry and Remus and James and Lilly, and Snape...

Sirius leaned against the wall, pressing the cool stones against his aching head.

"All right, there, Sirius?"

The animagus straightened immediately and blinked at the other man. "Charlie? Oh-- no, I'm fine." He forced a smile. "How are you?"

Apparently in too good a mood to question Sirius, the redhead grinned. "Quite well, thanks. Actually, I'm glad I spotted you; McGonagall told me that most of the teachers don't come 'till August. I was afraid it'd just be me and her for the summer."

Sirius found himself chuckling. "I know what you mean. She still makes me feel like a naughty student." The other man nodded ruefully. "Did you just arrive?"

"Yeah." Charlie sighed. "And just missed breakfast, I expect."

"I missed it, myself. The teacher's lounge usually has food at least remotely edible; care to join me?"

"Brilliant."

In little enough time they were both seated in comfortable armchairs, sipping tea and munching only slightly stale biscuits.

Charlie stretched comfortably. "So..."

"So."

"It's been a while since we've seen each other, huh?"

Sirius acknowledged that with a nod. "Four months, three weeks," he said quietly. The last time he'd seen Charlie it had been in the aftermath of the final battle. In the midst of all the dead and dying, he had been relieved to find that the young man he'd befriended through their shared missions had survived.

Charlie cleared his throat and Sirius looked up again from his plate. "Has Remus come by?" the redhead asked in far too casual voice.

Sirius, caught off guard, choked on a piece of biscuit and coughed. It seemed none of the Weasleys had any idea how to be subtle. "Er--"

Well, as much as he wanted Charlie and Remus to get on with... whatever it was they were doing... The Padfoot in him told him to be loyal. Letting the redhead corner his friend was apparently the wrong thing to do. Besides, Remus couldn't be planning to avoid the redhead the entire summer, right?

Right?

He shook his head slightly with a laugh. "Still worried about an empty castle? Don't be-- I heard that there's going to be a sort of 'End of the Year' celebration, or something. Apparently they have it every summer and all the professors are required to come." Sirius grinned at the other man. "You can ask McGo-- er, Minerva about it. I don't remember much of what she said.

"Um... thank you. I think I will." And then there was nothing for it but for Charlie to get up and search for the Headmistress.

Sirius chuckled quietly to himself in congratulations at a good diversion.

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_To Be Continued

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HJ _- Why, thank you._

moondancer_ - I'm glad you think so. Soon? Er, that depends on your definition of the word..._

Barb8_ - Glad to have you back again, then. Update!_

mon_ - Of course I'm still on this fic. I never abandon a story! It just takes a while to update..._

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